It is hard to believe that R-day is already past and gone. It was no race, unless you count racing against myself, my laziness and the million little things that tried to keep me off my goal – and I won. You get no bling and no t-shirt, but you get something much more important.
So, how was the run?
The run itself was difficult. I ran during lunchtime and that was not the best of ideas (although I learned that there are people around here who run during lunch time – I seen a few), as I don’t really do that. I had a bad moment of weakness about the second kilometer, and actually thought I was going so slow that I should just stop and try again the next day, but I didn’t. I refused to check my time and pace not to get discouraged.
After km 3, I ran past a clock in the street and with a quick glance I knew I was under 17 minutes, and that meant: I was in time. I was doing it! Totally. That gave me wings for the next 1.5 km or so, but the last 500m, I had to beg my legs to keep moving, not slowing down, keep the pace, make my imaginary finish line.
What did it mean for me?
I can’t describe the feeling when I finally finished and checked the time and it was under 30 minutes. I know for some it is no big deal, but for me, it was just amazing. The type of satisfaction of a job well done, of beating one’s own demons. I won my private race not only because I reached my goal, but because I transitioned from “who I wanted to be” into “who I am”. I tend to speak to myself in second person: you can run it, you can do it, you can make it, and so on. But on this run, something changed, and I was thinking in “Is” instead: “I can run it. I can make it. I know I can.” This might seem like a small difference, but it marks a type of connection I did not have with my own self for a long time. Maybe ever.
That I still have to decide. First, I will finish the recovery phase which my plan is directing me to. After that, I am torn between trying for a faster 5k or training for a 10k. On the one hand, the 10k is more in line with my long-term goal, but the other option is tempting as well. Fortunately I still have time to decide. Let me know if you have any advice.